Why did the policeman go to the baseball game? He heard someone had stolen second base.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I flew her to Paris and locked her in a tower.

I used to be a baker, then I got kneaded out of my job.

Why was the belt upset? It felt like it was being held back.

Why did the vampire become a librarian? He heard they had good circulation.

Why did the witch get a job at the bank? She heard they had good hex-change rates.

Why did the cereal killer get away with murder? He kept his plans under wraps.

I accidentally swallowed a key. Now I'm passing a little gas.

I used to be a plumber, but I couldn't handle the dirty work.

I was going to tell a joke about paper, but it's tearable.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a grave mistake.

I used to work at a makeup counter, but it was a cover-up.

Why did the scientist break up with his element? There was no chemistry.

Why couldn't the bike find its owner? It was two-tired of waiting.

I told my therapist I have a fear of escalators. He said, 'Try not to take steps backwards.'

I used to work in a cemetery, but I couldn't handle the grave situation.

I told my therapist I have a fear of elevators. He said, 'Let's take it one step at a time.'

Why was the belt arrested? It was the prime suspect in a murder.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said, 'You're just ashing for trouble.'

Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin' up blood.

Why did the serial killer break up with his girlfriend? She just didn't make the cut.