I asked the guy in the mirror how he stays so positive. He said, 'I'm just good at reflecting.'

Why did the banker switch to a new career? He lost interest.

I don't have a dark sense of humor. I have a zombie sense of humor. It's deadpan.

Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes.

I told my therapist about my irrational fear of giants. He told me he could help me 'work through it one step at a time.'

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

I started a new business making land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

Why couldn't the vampire play baseball? He lost his bat.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To find someone to boo-gie with.

Why do coffins have nails? To keep the inhabitants from getting carried away.

Why did the zombie refuse to eat the comedian? He heard he tasted funny.

Why did the mummy become a detective? He was good at unwrapping mysteries.

I asked the ghost in my house if he believed in sharing. He said, 'No, I'm very possessive.'

Why couldn't the zombie get a date? He had too many hang-ups.

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the stomach for it.

Why was the werewolf so good at math? He was always ready to sink his teeth into a problem.

I asked the doctor if he could give me something for my liver. He gave me a pound of onions.

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

Why did the mummy break up with his girlfriend? She kept wrapping his head around things.

Why did the mummy go to school? To wrap his head around new concepts.

Why did the mummy become a detective? He was good at uncovering mysteries.