I tried to buy a casket online, but they said shipping would cost an arm and a leg.

Why did the mummy go to therapy? To unwind his past issues.

I told my wife she should try some self-improvement workshops. Now she's attending 'How to bury your husband and get away with it.'

I tried to book a hotel room for my insecurities, but they were fully booked.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't B positive enough.

I asked my wife for a little space. So she locked me in the attic.

I tried to donate my body to science, but they said it didn't meet their 'live' donation requirements.

I told my wife I want to be cremated. She suggested I start with breakfast.

I told my wife she should try some DIY projects to spruce up the house. Now we have a homemade coffin in the living room.

Why did the ghost become a detective? He wanted to uncover some 'grave' secrets.

I asked my wife to spice things up in the bedroom. She handed me a pepper spray and said, 'Be careful what you wish for.'

I once saw a clown holding a 'Free Hugs' sign. Let's just say I'm no longer a fan of clowns.

Why don't graveyards ever get full? People are dying to get in.

I told my wife she should get with the times and start embracing technology. So she married a robot.

I tried to join a vegetarian club, but they said I'm not their 'type.'

Why did the ghost go on a diet? Because it needed to shed some 'boo' pounds.

Why was the belt arrested for murder? It held up a pair of pants so tight, they had no leg to stand on.

I asked the funeral director for a discount. He told me to wait for the next promotion.

I told my wife I have a drinking problem. She said, 'That's not a problem, that's a solution.'

I tried to surprise my wife with a trip to Hawaii. Turns out she already had a surprise trip planned... with her personal trainer.

I told my mom I failed my driver's test. She said, 'It's okay, at least you can always be a crash test dummy.'