What's the difference between a virus and Windows? Viruses rarely get updates.

Why did the skeleton go to the party? To shake a leg.

Why did the tomato turn into a gangster? It saw the tomato sauce and said 'Ketch' up.

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his crown fixed.

Why did the robot go on a diet? To lose some artificial weight.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants full of illegal cargo.

Why did the zombie start a band? Because he had a loyal following.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One screams when you slice it, the other doesn't.

Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He wanted to stop biting necks and start biting carrots.

Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his grave literacy skills.

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was going to be a BOO-zy night.

Why don't skeletons fight in the army? They don't have the stomach for it.

What's the best way to deal with a bad haircut? Start wearing a hat.

Why did the math textbook bring a lawyer to court? It had too many problems.

What's the difference between a cat and a piano? You can't tuna cat.

What's the best way to make friends in prison? Shanksgiving dinner.

Why don't ghosts go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits.

What's the worst part about getting hit in the face with a dictionary? It really leaves a mark.

Why did the tomato turn red? It was caught reading the ketchup bottle.

What's the difference between a circus and a strip club? One has clowns, the other has clowns with clothes on.

What's the difference between a bully and a clown? One punches up, the other clowns around.