Why couldn't the skeleton climb the mountain? He didn't have the guts.

Why did the ghost cry? It had a soul-crushing day.

Why was the skeleton lonely? It didn't have the heart to make friends.

Why wasn't the skeleton invited to the party? It had no body to vouch for it.

What did the zombie say to his girlfriend? You make my heart dead-icate.

Why did Dracula become a banker? He always knew how to make a blood deposit.

Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants...and maybe a crime.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts...or the muscles.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool...and scalding hot.

What's the best way to watch a horror movie? Alone, in the dark, with all the doors locked.

Why did the mummy get a job at the bakery? To make sure everything was wrapped up.

Why did the coffin break up with the bed? It couldn't handle the sleepovers.

Why can't mummies keep secrets? They always unwrap too soon.

Why did the clown go to jail? For juggling too many charges.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him...and he didn't have any guts to ask anyone.

Why couldn't the belt hold up its pants? It had an embarrassing buckle malfunction.

What's the difference between a potato and a funeral? One's seasoned, the other's seasoned.

How does a vampire tell the future? He reads his victim's palm.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To talk to the living.

Why do blind people hate skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.