Why did the belt get arrested? Because it held up a bank.

Why did the chicken go to the graveyard? To visit some dead fowls.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have enough backbone.

I asked my friend to meet me at the cemetery. He said, 'I'm dying to see you.'

Why did the lifeguard quit his job? He couldn't handle the pressure.

I asked the doctor to give me something for my fear of heights. He gave me a high prescription.

Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He couldn't stomach the thought of biting into people.

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was a coffin break.

Why did the vampire's diet fail? He couldn't stomach the sight of blood.

I asked my boss if I could have a raise. He said, 'Sure, bury your hopes with the rest of them.'

Why did the baker get promoted? He rose to the occasion.

I told my wife she should exercise more. She said, 'I already run late every day.'

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go on a picnic. She said, 'I'm already on one - dating you.'

Why did the skeleton not go to the Halloween party? He had no guts to attend.

I told my wife she should try woodworking. She said, 'I don't want to chisel away my free time.'

I told my wife she should try cooking with wine. She said, 'Fine, I'll drink it while you cook.'

I told my boss I needed a day off. He said, 'Sure, you can have eternity off.'

I asked my wife if she wanted to play doctor. She said, 'Sure, you can be the patient.'

Why did the police arrest the snowman? He was caught chilling in a freezer aisle.

I asked my doctor for some painkillers. He said, 'Life will do that for you.'

Why did the butcher get fired? He couldn't make the cut.