I'm friends with a mirror, but I can't see myself in our relationship.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - she gave me the silent treatment.

I used to be a comedian, but I couldn't handle the punchlines.

I'm friends with a musician, but our friendship is a little flat.

I tried to take a selfie with my toaster, but it kept burning out.

I'm thinking of writing a book about clocks, but I'm worried it would be too time-consuming.

I asked my computer for a pun, now it has a pun-processor.

I'm friends with a mapmaker, but he keeps getting me lost.

I tried to start a band called 1023MB - we haven't got a gig yet.

I'm trying to learn how to juggle, but I keep dropping the ball.

I used to be in a band called 'The Heliums,' but we fell flat.

I told my pet snail we should go faster, now it's in its shell.

I'm friends with an elevator, we always lift each other up.

I tried to perform comedy at the zoo, but the audience was too caged.

I told my computer it had a bug, now it won't stop buzzing.

I'm friends with a tree, but our friendship is branching out.

I'm learning how to swim, but I'm still treading water.

I used to be a tailor, but I couldn't sew it together.

I asked my phone for a joke, now it has too many bytes.

I'm friends with a calendar, but we always seem to be dated.

I tried to write a play about scissors, but it was cutting-edge.