I'm writing a book on hurricanes. It's only a draft at the moment.

Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't handle the pressure. It was kneadless stress.

I asked the gym if they had any dumbbells. They said, 'No, we only have intelligent ones.'

I used to be a baker, but the job was too crumby.

I'm reading a book on the history of tea, but it's taking me a while to brew through it.

I used to be a baker, but sales were just half-baked.

I'm currently messaging my crush on social media. I hope things don't take a 'wrong turn.'

I'm reading a book on the history of cheese. I just can't put it down.

I'm skeptical of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

What's small, red, and whispers? A hoarse radish.

Why did the kitchen window break its marriage? It couldn't find the right pane.

What did the pen say to the pencil? You're looking sharp.

What do you get hanging from apple trees? Sore arms.

Why did the cellphone go to therapy? It lost its contacts.

What's the laziest mountain? Kilimanjaro.

Why did the pencil go to school? To become sharp.

I told my wife she should do yoga to relieve stress, she took up ventriloquism instead.

I told my wife she should take up fencing, now she's on the fence about it.

I got a new job as a scarecrow, but I couldn't handle the hours.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but it would be pointless.