How do politicians deal with stress? They go for a political massage!

What do you call a politician with good timing? A stopwatch.

How does a politician keep track of all their promises? They write them down on 'campaign'aign boards.

Why did the politician join the band? To hit all the right notes with voters.

What's a politician's favorite type of tea? Liber-tea!

What did the politician say to the closed door? 'I promise, I'll never leave you hanging!'

What do you call a politician who practices martial arts? A judo-ke.

Why did the politician become a magician? To distract voters from real issues.

How do politicians take their coffee? With a 'latte' of power and influence.

Why do politicians always carry a map? So they can find their way back on their promises.

Why did the politician bring a calculator to the rally? To help with all the 'math' of misleading statements.

Why did the politician go to the comedy club? To work on his 'jokes' about policies.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they'll spend millions on a committee to discuss it.

Why did the politician become a chef? To perfect the art of 'spinning' the truth.

What do you call a politician who's lost an election? 'Over-voted'.

Why did the politician go to the beach? To learn how to 'tide' over public opinion.

How do politicians celebrate a successful campaign? By throwing a 'gridlock' party.

Why don't politicians play chess? It's too hard to tell which side they're on.

What do you call a politician who knows how to dance? A 'spin' doctor.

What's a politician's favorite room in the house? The 'lobby', of course!

Why did the politician get lost in the forest? Because he couldn't find his 'compass'.