I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said 'To be showered with gifts'. So I got her a raincoat.

Why did the computer break up with the printer? It was tired of all the paper jams in their relationship.

Why did the clock break up with the watch? It was just a matter of time before they fell out of sync.

What did the salad say to the fork? 'Lettuce make a great pair.'

Why did the light bulb break up with the lamp? It was tired of being kept in the dark.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to hear a joke about clouds. She said, 'Sure, but make it cumulonimbus.'

What do you call a potato that goes on a date? A hot potato.

I told my boyfriend he should treat our relationship like a bank account. He asked why. I said, 'Because you keep withdrawing without making any deposits.'

Why did the vegetable break up with the fruit? They were just too different to make a good pear.

Why did the coffee cup file for divorce? It found out the creamer was cheating.

Why did the comedian date a baker? He wanted to be with someone who could really knead him into shape.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said 'Peace and quiet'. So I took her to a deserted island.

I told my husband he should treat me like a treasure. He said, 'You mean buried and forgotten?'

Why did the lion break up with the lioness? She was roaring too much drama into their relationship.

Why did the blanket break up with the bed? It was tired of getting slept on all the time.

Did you hear about the traffic light that broke up with the stop sign? It just couldn't handle all the red flags.

Why did the tree marry the shrub? They were branching out to new relationships.

I asked my boyfriend what his favorite type of music was. He said, 'Break-up songs'.

What did the grape say to the wine? I've got you under my skin.

Why did the baker break up with the oven? It wanted a more 'heated' relationship.

Why did the car break up with the tires? It couldn't handle the pressure.