What did the pickle say to the other pickle on their date? You're kind of a big dill.

Why did the music duo break up? They were just not in harmony anymore.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I give her hugs... and high fives.

I told my husband he should be more spontaneous. So he told me he wanted a divorce.

Why did the dog break up with his girlfriend? She kept barking up the wrong tree.

I told my wife she should do sit-ups to get in shape. She said, 'I can't, every time I do, I get pregnant.'

What do you call a belt made out of wristwatches? A waist of time.

Why did the iceberg break up with the glacier? It was tired of the cold shoulder.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go to the gym with me. She said, 'I don't work out. I'm married.'

I asked my wife if she wanted to join a band with me. She said, 'I don't think our relationship is string enough.'

Why did the music notes break up? They couldn't find their perfect match.

My wife asked me why I carry a ladder in my car. I said, 'In case we hit a high note.'

Why did the traffic light break up with the stop sign? It felt too controlled.

I told my wife she should do push-ups. She said, 'I push up the grades, you push up the weights.'

Why did the bread break up with the butter? It was too spreading itself thin.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a hike. She said, 'I'm already climbing the mountain of life with you.'

Why did the math textbook break up with the history textbook? They couldn't solve their past issues.

My wife said I should stop writing her love letters. I said, 'But I dot my i's with hearts!'

My wife asked me to stop singing 'Sweet Child O' Mine' to her. I said, 'Where do we go now?'

Why did the musician break up with his girlfriend? She kept singing flat.

My wife said she wanted a fairy-tale wedding. So I locked her in a tower and waited for a prince to save her.