I told my wife she should watch more cooking shows. Now she's always spicing things up.

Why did the cyclist break up with the runner? They were always on different tracks.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes - about me changing the lightbulb.

Why did the librarian break up with the historian? They were always in different chapters.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes - about me mowing the lawn.

Why did the doctor break up with the nurse? She kept telling him he had a bad bedside manner.

I told my girlfriend she should do more stand-up comedy. Now she's constantly laughing at her own jokes.

Why did the music teacher break up with the conductor? There were too many notes in their relationship.

Why did the astronaut break up with the alien? He needed more space.

Why did the lighting bolt break up with the thunderstorm? It couldn't handle the drama.

Why did the vegetable break up with the chef? He couldn't handle the heat in the kitchen.

Why did the clock break up with the calendar? It couldn't keep up with all the dates.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes - about me vacuuming the house.

Why did the comedian break up with the ventriloquist? The relationship was becoming too one-sided.

I told my wife she should watch more documentaries. Now she's always bringing up old footage.

Why did the artist break up with the sculptor? They couldn't mold the relationship into something beautiful.

Why did the two knives go to couples therapy? They needed to work on their cutting-edge relationship.

My girlfriend tried to make me jealous by telling me she had a date with a famous actor. I just said, 'Well, I hope you two have a great time, Tom Hanks.'

I tried to plan a romantic evening with my significant other, but I got lost in the grocery store looking for candles. Now we're having a lit dinner in the frozen foods section.

My boyfriend told me he wanted to be more spontaneous, so I surprised him by showing up at his house unannounced. He was not impressed.

My wife told me she wanted a diamond for our anniversary, so I bought her a pack of playing cards. She didn't find it as funny as I did.