I told my girlfriend she should write a book. She said, 'About what, our relationship?'

My wife said she wanted to spice things up. So I bought her a pepper spray.

Why did the man bring a stopwatch to his date? He wanted to see if they had any chemistry.

Dating a musician is tough because they're always looking for someone to harmonize with.

Why did the man bring a taser to his date? In case there were any sparks.

My boyfriend said he needed space. So I locked him outside the house.

Why did the woman bring a map to her date? She heard he was a little lost.

I asked my girlfriend what she saw in me. She said, 'Nothing, I need glasses.'

My husband said he wanted to try role-playing. So I hid his car keys and pretended I didn't know where they were.

I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was clingy. He replied, 'Not at all. You're more like industrial-strength Velcro.'

Why did the woman bring a stopwatch to her date? To make sure it wasn't a waste of her time.

I told my wife she should date a man with a sense of humor. She said, 'I did. That's why I married you.'

Why did the couple go to therapy? They needed professional help to figure out who was always right.

I asked my wife to let me know if she ever felt like leaving. She replied, 'Do you want me to call you or just pack my bags?'

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. You pick up a lot of useless junk before you find something worth keeping.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She said, 'I married you, didn't I?'

Why did the man propose to the mirror? He couldn't resist his own reflection.

I told my wife she should let me know whenever she's angry at me. She replied, 'I'll just keep a tally of all the times you irritate me.'

Why did the ghost go on a dating app? He was tired of being ghosted in real life.

My boyfriend told me he wants to be more spontaneous. So I broke up with him in a flash.

Why did the wife bring a map to bed? In case her husband tried to navigate getting lucky.