My girlfriend said she wanted a home cooked meal. So I burned water.

Why do programmers prefer relationships with their computers? Because they understand their language.

Why did the skeleton break up with the ghost? He couldn't handle her transparency.

I told my boyfriend he should treat me like a princess. So he took me on a date and left me there.

Why did the math book break up with the history book? It couldn't handle its past.

My girlfriend said I was average. She was just being mean.

Why did the grape refuse to date the lemon? It thought he was too sour.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted a hug. She said, 'Sure, but I can't be held responsible for what happens next.'

Why did the man bring a ladder to his date? He heard that relationships have their ups and downs.

Why did the romantic comedian break up with the food critic? She couldn't handle his cheesy jokes.

I used to date a baker because she kneaded me.

I told my husband I wanted to be treated like a princess. He put me in a tower and declared war on the dragon.

My girlfriend is like a math book—she has too many problems.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on irony. She pointed to the nonfiction section.

My boyfriend said he wanted to be more spontaneous, so I took the batteries out of the clock.

I told my husband he should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward for him!

My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a detective. Goodbye, Nancy Drew!

Why did the smartphone break up with the tablet? They had a bad connection.

My boyfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I snuggle with my cat all day.

Why did the pillow file for divorce? It needed some space!

My husband said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward for me!