Why did the man get hit with a calendar? He dates around too much.

My wife told me I should do sit-ups to stay in shape. I said, 'Why? My wallet does that every day.'

Why did the couple break up at the ice cream shop? They couldn't cone to an agreement.

I told my girlfriend she should do more cardio. She said, 'I love you, but let's not get too serious.'

Why did the lettuce break up with the broccoli? It just couldn't romaine friends anymore.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She told me to hug the toaster.

Why did the couple break up at the baseball game? There were too many foul balls.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess. So I put her in a castle and ignored her for months.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a date to the zoo. She said, 'No, I hear they're always lion.'

Why did the man bring a map on his date? He wanted to make sure he didn't lose his way to her heart.

My girlfriend said she wanted to see other people. So I bought her a telescope.

Why did the man bring a pack of playing cards on his date? He heard it was a game-changer.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a fancy Italian restaurant. She said, 'No, I'm not in the mozz-to mood.'

Why don't scientists trust romantic relationships? They always end in a heart break.

Why did the man bring a GPS on his date? He wanted to navigate the relationship carefully.

I told my girlfriend she should go on a diet. She said, 'Why? To keep up with your changing tastes?'

Why did the man bring a compass on his date? He wanted to make sure he was heading in the right direction with her.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a date to the bakery. She said, 'I'm not in loaf with that idea.'

Why did the man propose to the clock? He wanted to make time stand still.

What did the grape say to the banana? Stop flirting, you're too a-peeling.

Why did the candle break up with the match? It felt like they were just sparking up trouble.