My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

I told my husband he should do lunges to stay in shape. That’ll teach him to leave his clothes on the floor!

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.

My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy. But I don’t care, he’s cute when he’s delusional.

Why did the math student break up with his calculator? It just wasn’t adding up.

My wife told me to stop playing Wonderwall on guitar. I said maybeeeeeee…

My boyfriend asked me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybeeeee…

Why do vampires never get divorced? Because they stay together for life.

My girlfriend said she wanted to try something new in the bedroom. So, I built a new closet.

My wife told me to embrace my mistakes. So now I’m hugging all my exes.

My boyfriend said I need to be more self-sufficient. So, I bought a duplicate.

My girlfriend said she wanted someone mysterious. So I hired a detective to follow her.

Why did the couple go to therapy? They were having communication breakdowns.

Why did the baker propose to his girlfriend? He kneaded her in his life.

Why did the couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a plaice for romance.

How did the vampire propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a love bite.

What do you call two monogram letters in love? Initial attraction.

Why did the belt break up with the pants? It couldn't hold up the relationship.

What did the janitor say to the broom? It's sweeping love off its feet.

Why did the nurse fall in love with the surgeon? She was a heartthrob.

How did the bee propose to the queen bee? He went down on bended sting.