Why did the man stand on the scale and broke up with his girlfriend? He wanted to see if his weight matched his emotional baggage.

Why do programmers prefer relationships over hookups? They like things to be well structured.

Why was the ghost so bad at lying? You could see right through him!

I told my wife she should do lunges every day. She said that would be a big step in the right direction.

My girlfriend said she wanted a puppy for her birthday. I got her a Chihuahua because they're small and yappy, just like her.

I asked my wife if she believes in ghosts. She said yes, especially when I forget to put the toilet seat down.

Why did the man bring a ladder to his date? He heard his crush likes high maintenance relationships.

My husband and I have a great marriage. He picks his battles, and I pick what's for dinner.

I used to date a baker, but I had to break up with her. She was too kneady.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Valentine's Day. She said, 'Just your attention.' So I got her a pair of binoculars.

Why did the couple go to therapy? They had too many communication issues - but couldn't hear each other over the therapist's fee.

Why did the couple break up at the fancy restaurant? Because they couldn't find a table for two.

I told my girlfriend she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Why do programmers prefer relationships to hookups? They like to commit.

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. I'm now seeing my ex in a whole new light.

My girlfriend told me she needed some space. I said 'Don't worry, there's plenty in the universe.'

I proposed to my girlfriend on a beach. Now we're drifting apart.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said 'Yes, about leaving you.'

My boyfriend asked me if I could be serious for once. I said 'Sure, could I also be spontaneous?'

Why do couples go to the gym? Because relationships are a weighty matter.

I asked my husband if he ever fantasizes about me. He said 'Yes, about me being single.'