My boyfriend told me I should do squats to stay in shape. But I prefer the trampoline, it lifts my spirits.

Why do ghosts never date aliens? Because they want someone with a more down-to-earth personality.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said 'Only when the dishes need washing.'

Why did the girl break up with the movie theater? It was always playing games.

What do you call a romantic alarm clock? A snuggle.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Why did the napkin propose to the tablecloth? He felt they were cut from the same cloth.

Why did the flashlight break up with the lamp? It was tired of being overshadowed.

Why did the computer break up with the internet? There were too many viruses in the relationship.

Why did the man break up with his calendar? He felt their days were numbered.

Why couldn't the string couple go on a date? They had too many knots in their relationship.

Why did the baker go on a date with the chef? They both knew how to make a good match.

Why did the romantic tree propose to his sweetheart? He was ready to branch out.

Why did the chicken join a dating site? To find a better pecking order.

Why did the hot dog break up with the bun? It couldn't ketchup.

Why did the comedian break up with his relationship counselor? Because he couldn't deal with the punchlines.

Why did the math book break up with the history book? It just wasn't adding up.

Why don't eggs tell each other secrets? They might crack up.

Why did the doctor break up with the dentist? They both had too much plaque.

Why did the sailboat go to couples therapy? It had trouble staying afloat.

Why did the math problem broke up with the answer? It just couldn't solve their issues.