My girlfriend told me she needed space. So I locked her outside.

Why did the man break up with the clock? He realized it was too time-consuming.

My girlfriend accused me of not listening to her. Or at least that's what I think she said.

Why did the man propose to the clock? He wanted to make sure they were always on the same time frame.

My wife told me I was too immature. I told her to get out of my blanket fort.

My girlfriend said I needed to be more spontaneous. So I bought a ukulele.

Why did the man date his dictionary? He wanted someone who could define their relationship.

Why did the girl break up with the baker? She was tired of all the half-baked ideas.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about the dishes taking themselves out.

Why did the man break up with his mirror? He couldn't handle the reflection on their relationship status.

Why did the baker go on a diet? He kneaded to lose some weight.

Why did the belt break up with the pants? They were holding him back.

My husband has a huge lead in our Scrabble game. I think it's time to make a move.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash.

I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

My wife told me to stop being a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Why did the mechanic break up with his girlfriend? He couldn't find the spark anymore.

Why did the smartphone break up with the charger? It just couldn't plug in to the relationship.

Why did the teacher break up with the dictionary? She couldn't find the right words.

Why did the music teacher break up with her metronome? It was too controlling.

What do you call two robots in love? A data connection.