I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for his birthday. He said, 'Nothing would make me happier than a peace and quiet.' So I threw him a surprise party.

I told my girlfriend she should be more honest with me. She said, 'Who's honesty and why do you keep bringing her up?'

Why did the man break up with the calendar? He said his days were numbered.

I asked my wife for a newspaper, but she said smartphones are the new age. So I swatted a fly with her iPad - not the same.

I told my girlfriend she should do some Sudoku to keep her mind sharp. She said she prefers crosswords because they make her feel clueless.

My boyfriend said I was being unreasonable expecting him to remember our anniversary. So I took a marker and drew a circle around the date on his calendar.

Did you hear about the married man who thought his wife was a keeper? He was a fisherman!

I asked my girlfriend to tag along with me to the gym. All she did was judge me on how I used the machines.

Why did the couple decide to get married on April 1st? So if it didn't work out, they could say it was just a prank.

I told my husband I needed more space in our relationship. So he gave me a map to the nearest park.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't working out.

Why did the teenager bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.

Why did the man break up with the book? It just wasn't his story anymore.

Why did the woman break up with the tree? It was too shady.

Why did the woman break up with the rug? It couldn't handle the underfoot pressure.

Why did the man break up with the boat? It kept sailing away from commitment.

Why did the woman break up with the hat? It was too headstrong.

Why did the man break up with the feather pillow? It was too soft for their relationship.

Why did the woman break up with the pillowcase? It just wasn't a comfortable fit.

Why did the man break up with the trumpet? It blew their relationship out of tune.

Why did the woman break up with the drum? It was always beating around the bush.