Why did the hipster refuse to go to church? He didn't believe in mainstream worship.

What do you call a religious belt? A theological girdle.

Why did the tomato go to confession? It had a lot of sins to ketchup on.

Why did the teacher go to church? To pray for some divine intervention in grading papers.

Why don't architects go to church? They already have their own blueprints.

How does the pastor prep his sermons? By taking notes from the collection plate.

Why did the football team go to church? They needed some divine help with their hail mary plays.

Why do monks use email instead of regular mail? They believe in instant karma.

Why did the skeleton go to the church dance? To find a body to dance with.

Why don't dinosaurs go to church? They're all fossils now.

Why do pastors make good gardeners? They have experience with planting seeds of faith.

How do you make a holy cheese? With swiss prayers.

Why did the ghost go to church? To find some heavenly boos.

Why don't robots attend church? They already have a motherboard.

Why did the scarecrow win salesman of the year? He was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a religious horse? Holy cow.

Why did the lettuce win the race? Because it was ahead.

What do you call a belt made entirely out of watches? A waist of time.

Why was the math book sad at the party? It had too many square roots.

What did the choir sing to the vegetable garden? Lettuce be your sanctuary.

Why do angels carry harps? Because the harpist always calls in sick.