What do you call praying mantises that work together? A congregation.

Why did the Christian break up with his calculator? He couldn't handle the division.

Why did the priest go to school? To say his prayers.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta... much like a false prophet.

Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants that were destined to sin.

Why did the pastor carry a briefcase? To deliver some 'good news'.

How do you know if a church is haunted? You hear 'alleluia' voices in the walls.

Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean? It kept telling fish stories.

What did one Bible say to the other? Pslam going to be a good book.

Why did the Dalai Lama refuse to get on the plane? He wanted to achieve enlightenment, not fly to it.

What happened when Satan sponsored a contest? The competition was hell.

Why did the priest go to therapy? To address his father issues.

What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear... much like the congregation after the sermon.

Why did the Christian music artist go bankrupt? He had too many overheads.

Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice on how to do it.

I asked the Lord for a sign, and he told me to yield.

Why do angels make the best comedians? They always slay the audience.

I saw a nun walking a dog today and thought, 'That's a clear case of sister walking a mister.'

What do you call a group of singing whales at church? A praise pod.

Why did the burglar break into the church? He heard they had some heavenly treasures.

I told my wife she should pray for patience. She said, 'I can't. I'm too busy waiting.'