Oh great, another meeting to discuss the meeting we had about the previous meeting.

I'm not saying I'm indecisive, but sometimes I have trouble deciding if I'm indecisive or not.

People say I'm indecisive, but I don't really know about that.

I tried to write a joke about time travel, but nobody liked it.

I asked my boss for a raise, but he just laughed and told me to keep dreaming.

I love it when people repeat themselves. I love it when people repeat themselves.

I never knew how strong I was, until I had to move furniture by myself.

I always try to be environmentally conscious by turning off lights. Unless it's too far away, then forget it.

I love how my phone's autocorrect turns “I have nothing to wear” into “I have nothing to swear.” Thanks for the reminder.

I love how people tell me to keep an open mind, but then get mad when my opinion differs from theirs.

I was going to give a motivational speech, but I couldn't find the motivation.

I love how people call me “weird” like it's a bad thing. Just means I'm more interesting than them.

I love when my phone autocorrects a perfectly good word to something completely nonsensical. It's like it's trying to keep me on my toes.

My bank account is a great listener. It always says “insufficient funds” but never interrupts.

I'm really good at multitasking. I can procrastinate and waste time at the same time.

I think my neighbors are starting to take my sarcasm a little too seriously. They just added a fence between our houses.

I love when people ask me if I'm keeping busy. No, I'm actually keeping lazy.

I love it when people tell me to “just relax.” Is there a button somewhere that I don't know about?

I keep all my emotions in check... right next to my lost keys.

I love when people randomly text me “K” as if it's a complete sentence. K.

I'm not a baker, I'm a breader. I loaf around all day.