I enjoy waiting in long lines. It's such a relaxing way to spend my time.

I love Mondays. They're just so full of excitement and energy.

I really appreciate it when people chew with their mouths open. It's a beautiful sound.

I just love it when my computer crashes right in the middle of an important task. It's so convenient.

I love when people stand way too close to me in line. It's a great way to make new friends.

I always enjoy getting stuck in traffic. It's like a mini vacation on the road.

I told my friend she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a applause.

I started a new dating service for chickens. It's called Fowl Play.

I told my friend she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a giant bear hug.

I told my friend I could sing like Elvis. She asked me to leave the building.

I told my therapist I have feelings of water and land. He said I'm just going through phases.

I'm not saying I have a big ego, but my shampoo bottle lists 'self-worth' as an ingredient.

I used to be a circus performer, but I quit because I just couldn't juggle the work and home life.

I told my computer I needed a break, so it shut down for a week.

I love when my boss says 'You're the best' right after assigning me more work.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. It was a real breeze to install.

People who take care of chickens are literally coop keepers.

I told my therapist I had trouble making decisions. He asked 'How about not coming next week?'

I'm not saying I'm addicted to caffeine, but coffee is my love language.

I love when my alarm clock goes off in the morning... said no one ever.

I asked my dog for dating advice... he licked my face and ran away.