I'm not saying I'm perfect, but every time I look in the mirror, I smile at myself. So close enough, right?

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm pretty close to it... as long as you don't count my flaws.

I like to live life on the edge. It's not very crowded there.

They say laughter is the best medicine. So try laughing while getting a shot at the doctor's office.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I can resist anything except temptation... well, maybe also broccoli.

I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination. But not too sexy.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Clearly.

I'm not saying I'm a great singer, but I do a mean rendition of 'Happy Birthday'.

I'm not saying I'm a tech expert, but I once spent an entire day trying to fix the printer with no success.

I'm not saying I'm a superhero, but I did rescue a sandwich from falling on the floor once.

I'm not saying I'm a financial guru, but my budgeting skills are so good I can stretch a dollar like nobody's business.

I'm not saying I'm a health nut, but I once ate a salad... with extra cheese and bacon.

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I did once microwave a burrito without lighting it on fire.

I'm not saying I'm a DIY expert, but I can definitely make a Pinterest fail with the best of them.

I'm not saying I'm a morning person, but I've been known to hit the snooze button for three hours straight.

I'm not saying I'm a fashionista, but I have been known to show up to work with my shirt on backwards.

I'm not saying I'm a math whiz, but I can calculate the exact ratio of ice cream to sadness in a breakup.

I'm not saying I'm a detective, but I can definitely tell when someone ate the last cookie in the jar.