I went to a confidence-building workshop, but I left feeling even more insecure. I guess you can't fix deep-seated issues in a weekend retreat.

I thought about joining a self-love retreat, but then remembered that I have commitment issues even with myself.

I tried to embrace my flaws, but they just hugged me back tighter. Looks like we're stuck together.

I decided to give myself a pep talk in the mirror, but I got distracted by how weird my face looks when I try to smile convincingly.

I thought about starting a self-help blog, but then remembered that I can't even help myself most of the time.

I'm so bad at texting, I once sent a kissy face emoji to my boss.

I'm so bad at singing, I clear the room faster than a fire alarm.

I'm so bad at punctuality, I'm early for being late.

I'm so bad at making decisions, I flip a coin to decide what to have for breakfast.

I'm so bad at remembering birthdays, I once wished someone a happy birthday on the wrong day.

I'm so bad at relaxing, I get stressed out watching ASMR videos.

I'm so bad at spelling, autocorrect gives up on me.

I'm so bad at sleeping, I dream about being awake.

I'm so bad at giving directions, I sent someone to the wrong state using Google Maps.

I'm so bad at workout routines, I once pulled a muscle stretching.

I'm so bad at nail art, I once painted my nails with marker pens.

I'm so bad at following recipes, I once made pancakes with salt instead of sugar.

I'm so bad at keeping secrets, I accidentally revealed my own surprise party to myself.

I'm so bad at singing, I make cats yowl in protest.

I'm so bad at taking care of plants, I once killed a fake one.

I'm so bad at directions, I turn left when Siri says 'turn right'.