I'm not saying I'm a perfectionist, but I've rewritten this joke five times.

I'm like a puppy - always enthusiastic, sometimes too eager for attention.

I'm so bad at dancing that my shadow cringes when I bust a move.

I'm not saying I have bad luck, but even fortune cookies give me bad advice.

I'm like a plant - if left unwatered, I'll wither away and die.

I'm not saying I'm awkward, but my shadow avoids standing next to me.

I'm like a plant - the more sunlight I get, the better I thrive.

I'm so bad at texting back, I should have an auto-reply set up.

I'm not saying I'm a procrastinator, but I should have completed this joke yesterday.

I'm not saying I'm unathletic, but even my Fitbit sends me condolences.

I'm like a GPS with a broken compass - constantly lost and giving bad directions.

I'm not saying I'm uncool, but my dancing has been mistaken for a medical emergency.

I'm so bad at singing in the shower that even the water runs away.

I'm like a balloon - full of hot air and prone to bursting.

I'm not saying I'm a terrible listener, but I once nodded off during a podcast.

I'm so bad at taking compliments that I have to schedule time for self-deprecation.

I'm like a to-do list - never completed and always growing.

I'm not saying I'm a bad organizer, but my sock drawer looks like a crime scene.

I'm so bad at parallel parking that even the curb feels sorry for me.

I'm like a GPS with a sassy attitude - constantly rerouting and criticizing my decisions.

I'm not saying I'm a bad driver, but my car has a frequent flyer card for the mechanic.