I thought I was funny, until my plants died from neglect.

I accidentally liked my own Facebook post and replied 'thanks' to myself.

I went to a petting zoo and the animals avoided me.

I tried to impress my crush by showing off my cooking skills, ended up ordering takeout.

I tried to be a morning person, but mornings aren't my thing.

I thought I was a good singer, until I heard a recording of my voice.

I tried to parallel park and ended up perpendicular.

I went to a party last night and my dance moves cleared the dance floor.

I tried to take a selfie, and my phone said 'memory full'.

I'm like a human GPS, I always take the scenic route.

I applied for a job at an orange juice factory, they said I couldn't concentrate.

I tried to give myself a high five and missed.

I'm not saying I'm a pushover, but I apologize to vending machines when my snack gets stuck.

I'm like a black hole - I suck at keeping things organized.

I'm not saying I'm a bad cook, but I've set off the smoke alarm making cereal.

I'm like a Rubik's cube - easy to solve, but no one bothers to try.

I'm so bad at taking compliments, it's like I skipped that lesson in life.

I'm not saying I'm a slacker, but I consider napping a productive activity.

I'm like a broken clock - displaying the wrong time all day, every day.

I'm so bad at parallel parking, I've been known to hit parked cars.

I'm so bad at DIY projects that IKEA instructions make more sense to me.