I'm like a pair of socks - mismatched and easily lost.

I'm not saying I'm a procrastinator, but I consider putting 'pro' in front of my title a major achievement.

I'm like a coupon - easily forgotten and expired before I'm useful.

I'm not saying I'm a terrible cook, but I once burnt water.

I'm not saying I'm a hypochondriac, but WebMD has me on speed dial.

I'm not saying I'm a bad driver, but even my GPS rolls its eyes when I get behind the wheel.

I'm like a cat - I'll ignore you for hours and then demand attention out of nowhere.

I'm not saying I'm awkward, but my dance moves are just a series of poorly timed falls.

I'm not saying I have a bad memory, but I once forgot to put pants on before leaving the house.

I'm so awkward that I startle my own reflection.

I'm like a battery - I never last as long as I'm supposed to.

I'm not saying I'm uncoordinated, but my dancing looks like I'm being attacked by bees.

I'm such a bad singer that my shower has asked for earplugs.

I'm not saying I'm bad with money, but my wallet is on a first-name basis with the cashiers.

I'm like a ninja, but instead of sneaking around, I just trip over things.

I'm not saying I'm out of shape, but stairs make me breathless.

I'm so bad at parking that my car has a restraining order against me.

I'm not saying I'm indecisive, but I can never finish a sentence without changi

I'm so unphotogenic that my passport photo looks like a mugshot.

I'm like a human mood ring - mostly cloudy with a chance of sarcasm.

I'm not saying I'm a bad cook, but my smoke alarm is my most frequent dinner guest.