I'm not saying I'm unlucky, but even my fortune cookie says, 'Better luck next time.'

I'm so bad at technology that even my automatic bill pay sends money to the wrong person.

I'm not saying I'm forgetful, but I once took a memory foam mattress to therapy.

I'm so bad at sleeping that even my dreams have insomnia.

I'm the kind of person who would trip over a crack in the sidewalk and apologize to it.

I'm so bad at arts and crafts, I once failed a kindergarten finger painting class.

I'm like a salad without dressing - bland, boring, and nobody's first choice.

I'm the type of person who would get lost in a straight line.

I'm so bad at singing, I once made a cat cover its ears.

I'm the kind of person who would lose a staring contest to a statue.

I'm the type of person who would forget to breathe if it wasn't automatic.

I'm so bad at socializing, I once tried to handshake someone over the phone.

I'm the kind of person who would get lost in a straight hallway.

I'm the type of person who would accidentally like an ex's photo while stalking them on social media.

I'm like a plant with too much sun - wilting under the pressure of attention.

I'm like a human GPS - I'll give you directions, but they'll probably be wrong.

I'm the type of person who trips over their own shoelaces...while wearing slip-ons.

I'm like a plant in a dark room - I wilt at the thought of going outside.

I'm like a cat trying to be a dog - I'll chase my tail but never catch it.

I'm so bad at math, I count on my fingers just to be safe.

I'm like a broken record - I repeat myself so often, even I get tired of it.