I'm so bad at DIY, I once glued my fingers together trying to fix a broken vase.

I'm so bad at math, I need a calculator to add 2 + 2.

I'm so unathletic, my Fitbit thinks I'm hibernating.

I'm so clumsy, I once knocked over a display of glassware just by looking at it.

I'm so bad at parking, I make valets sweat.

I'm so forgetful, I once went to work with my shirt on inside out and backwards.

I'm so bad with directions, even Siri gets frustrated with me.

I'm so bad at singing, I could give a cat a run for its money.

I'm so indecisive, I can't even decide what to eat at a buffet.

I thought I was a fashion icon until a 5-year-old told me I dress like a cartoon character.

I once tried to fix my own car and ended up calling AAA on myself.

I thought I was a good singer until my shower head started leaking when I sang in the shower.

I'm so bad at technology, I once asked my smartwatch for dating advice.

I'm so bad at baking, my oven filed a restraining order against me.

I once tried to do a cartwheel and ended up doing a somersault. I can't even flip correctly.

I thought I was a good dancer until I saw a video of myself. Turns out I have two left feet.

I once tried to do a push-up and got stuck halfway. I call it the push-pause.

I thought I was a great cook until I burnt salad. Yes, you heard that right, burnt salad.

I once tried to be a morning person but ended up hitting snooze for 3 hours straight.

I'm so unathletic, even my Fitbit sends me passive-aggressive messages.

I'm so uncool, my email address is still my nickname from high school.