I'm such a klutz, I could trip over a wireless mouse.

I'm like a human thumb - completely out of place in any situation.

I'm such a night owl, I could hoot at my own jokes.

I'm like a human rollercoaster - full of ups and downs.

I have a memory like a goldfish, I can't even remember what I had for breakfast.

I'm the only one who can lose in a game of solitaire.

I'm not saying I'm cheap, but I once bought a single-ply toilet paper to save money.

I have the social skills of a rock, and about the same level of charisma.

I'm not the life of the party, I'm more like the party's awkward cousin.

I have the attention span of a squirrel on caffeine.

I have a black belt in procrastination; I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

I'm not a complete idiot, there are still a few pieces missing.

I tried to break a board in Tae Kwon Do and ended up breaking my hand instead.

I'm so uncoordinated, I can trip over a wireless connection.

I thought I was in good shape until I tried to chase after the ice cream truck.

I'm not saying I'm accident-prone, but my doctor has a designated parking spot for me.

I tried to learn how to juggle once, but I couldn't even handle two things at once.

I must be a magnet for awkward situations because they always seem to find me.

I'm so bad at taking selfies, I cut my own head out of the frame.

I'm so clumsy, I once walked straight into a closed door.

I'm so uncoordinated, I trip over my own feet even when sitting down.