I'm trying to lose weight, but it's a slow process. My exercise routine is running late.

Running in circles may seem pointless, but it's still a great way to stay in shape!

I told my computer I needed a break and it replied, 'I'm not a Kit-Kat!'

What do you call a math teacher who's always grumpy? A square root!

Why was the calendar such a bully? Because it kept picking on the days!

Why did the student bring a ladder to the exam? To reach for higher grades!

Why did the tomato turn shy? Because it saw the salad dressing!

How do you know if a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds!

Why do basketball players always go to the doctor? Because they’re always dribbling!

What do you say to comfort a friend who is struggling with grammar? There, they’re, their.

What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes!

Why did the superhero flush the toilet? Because it was his doody!

What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory!

Why did the singer break up with her microphone? It just wasn't working!

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't-opener!

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? “Give me my quarterback!”

Why did the guitar go to the doctor? It had too many strings attached!

Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded to work out his emotional yeast!

Why did the broom get a promotion? It was sweeping the competition!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding at falling over!

Did you hear about the clumsy chef? He kept turning the kitchen into a disaster area!