Why was the math book scared of the calendar? It had too many dates!

Why did the clock get in trouble in school? It couldn't keep its hands to itself!

Why did the scarecrow become a successful stand-up comedian? Because he was outstanding in his field!

What do you call a fish wearing a crown? Gill-ty of being too fancy!

Why couldn't the bicycle find its pedals? It was two-tired to even start!

What did the tomato say to the salad dressing? Stop making me blush!

Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the golf course? In case he needed to get a hole in one from above!

How do you fix a damaged pizza? With tomato paste!

Why did the ocean break up with the beach? It just couldn't handle the shore drama!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his hay-day!

How do you make a plumber laugh? Tell them a pipe joke!

Why was the belt arrested at the comedy show? It couldn't hold its pants up from laughing!

How do you make a lemon stop rolling? Squeeze the daylights out of it!

How do you get a dishwasher to laugh? Tell it a dirty joke!

Why did the scarecrow become a successful musician? He had great straw-nge presence!

Why did the tree use a drill? It needed to branch out!

How do you wake Lady Gaga up? You give her a poker face!

Why did the car's windshield go to therapy? It had so many cracks, it couldn't see straight!

What did the salt say to the pepper? Season's greetings!

Why did the penguin break up with the polar bear? It was feeling ice-cold!

How do you make a lemon shake? Put its little lemonade and disco!