What did the possessed doll say to the child? Play with me, forever and ever.

Why was the vampire always calm? He had a lot of batitude.

Why did the witch's broomstick break? It couldn't handle her weight, it was a real flying hazard.

Why did the corpse visit the doctor? It needed a body check-up.

Why did the coffin break up with the skeleton? It couldn't handle all the baggage.

Why do zombies never win arguments? They always end up losing their heads.

Why did the werewolf cancel his gym membership? He found it to be a real howl in terms of costs.

Why don't vampires eat clowns? They taste funny.

Why was the mummy a terrible detective? He couldn't wrap his head around the clues.

Why was the ax murderer so good at his job? He always gave killer presentations.

Why do ghosts avoid elevators? They can't stand the idea of being shafted.

Why was the vampire always chosen as team captain? He had great bat-titude.

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? He didn't have the guts to do it.

Why did the serial killer break up with his girlfriend? She kept saying he was too controlling.

I told my therapist about my fear of uncertainty. She said she couldn't help me if I didn't tell her the appointment time.

Why do graveyard gnomes make terrible comedians? They always bury the punchline.

Why did the programmer go to therapy? Because he had too many issues.

I asked the doctor for some painkillers. He told me to look at my bank account.

I hate my job at the calendar factory. It's just another day after another day.

I told my wife she should try a new perfume, now she's mad at me. All because I told her she stinks.

I used to hit the bottle, now the bottle hits me back.