What did the tree say to the logger? I'm falling for you.

Why do cemetery employees always look forward to going to work? They get a grave job.

Why did the clown go to therapy? He had a lot of inner demons to work through.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist? One delivers flavor, the other delivers babies.

Why did the hitman become a veterinarian? He wanted to put the 'pet' back in 'compete'.

What's the best part about gardening? The thrill of seeing if the plants will outlive the neighbor's dog.

Why did the skeleton go to the party? To pick up its bones from the ex.

What's the best way to kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak through the heart.

Why did the ghost become a detective? To un-earth his past.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She was getting too clingy.

What's a zombie's favorite restaurant? IHOP - International House of 'Person.'

What's the difference between a scuba diver and a robber? One swims with sharks, the other shanks with swimmers.

What's the best way to start a parade in a small town? Roll a grenade down Main Street.

Why did the burglar break into a music store? He wanted to steal the lute.

What's the best way to get a squirrel down from a tree? Pull down your pants and show them your nuts.

I like my wine like I like my humor - dark and full of tannins.

I asked the doctor if he could help me get better at math. He said, 'Just subtract 10 from 20.' I said, 'That would be 10.' He said, 'Great, you're getting the hang of it.'

I asked the doctor for something for my persistent hiccups. He handed me a stun gun.

I asked the doctor for something for my sensitive teeth. He gave me a box of sandpaper.

I asked the doctor if he could give me something to make me look taller. He gave me a surgery bill.

I asked the doctor if he could prescribe something for my addiction to cheddar cheese. He said, 'You're not listening, you need to give it up.'