I asked the doctor for advice on how to live longer. He suggested not getting on his bad side.

Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He heard they had some killer dough.

Why did the gardener bury all his money in the soil? He wanted to make his assets liquid.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated when I die. She's already making plans to have a 'hot' date.

I told my wife she should do more cardio. So now she drives the car all the time.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion at work? He was outstanding in his field.

Why did the homeless man bring a map to the park? He heard there were shelters available.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed some space.

I asked the doctor if he could recommend something to lower my blood pressure. He offered to write me a prescription for the electric bill.

Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? He heard they were good at rounding up the wurst cattle.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field of dreams.

Why did the barber win an award? He gave a cut above the rest.

I asked the doctor how to treat my fear of ghosts. He told me to practice exorcising regularly.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She was transparently cheating on him.

Why did the painter break up with his girlfriend? She was always framing him.

I told my wife she should try a new hobby. She's considering taking up grave digging.

Why did the mathematician break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle his division of attention.

Why did the golfer break up with his girlfriend? She kept driving him crazy.

I asked the doctor for advice on how to overcome my fear of elevators. He told me to take steps to avoid them.

Why did the ghost win an award? For being boo-tiful inside and out.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was too vein for him.