Jokes about morbid or controversial topics; not for everyone.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it was getting roasted by the pepper.
Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out, unlike its customers.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos, and a stiff drink.
Why did the burglar take a bath? Because he was feeling dirty after the robbery.
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type, some people just can't handle eternal life.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! Now clean up your own mess.
Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants, and aiding and abetting a crime.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved, unlike the drowning victims.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks, but struggled with the notes.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The trom-bone, playing the music of the dead.
Why do graveyards have fences? People are dying to get in, but they can't escape.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta, a phony dish.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite, and a chilly reception.
Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired, and needed a break.
Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants, the sign of a reliable belt.
Why was the broom late? It swept in fashionably late, but still swept.
I told my therapist about my fear of uncertainties. He told me I have Haphephobia, the fear of being touched normally by strangers.
Why did the skeleton start a band? Because he had no body else to hang out with.
I accidentally swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated when I die. She told me I'm always so ashing in my requests.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes. I asked her to tell me about her fantasies, she said she likes it when I'm out of the house.