Why did the baby cascade down the waterfall? It couldn't resist the stream.

I don't have a girlfriend but I know a woman who would be mad at me for saying that.

Why did the ghost go to therapy? To exorcise its inner demons.

I accidentally bought my wife a piece of novelty cheese instead of actual cheese. She said it's a gouda joke.

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, 'It's not working, I can't take it anymore!' I opened the fridge and it's working just fine.

I asked my doctor if I could take my own blood pressure. He told me he doesn't have the time to teach me high-level maths.

Why did the scarecrow retire? He was outstanding in his field, but felt he was just going through the motions.

My wife told me she's leaving me because I always contradict her. I didn't agree.

Why did the vampire quit drinking blood? It was a grave mistake.

I told my wife I have the body of a god. She asked which one, Buddha?

Why did the priest go to therapy? To confess his sins.

I came home to find my wife packing her bags. I asked her what was wrong. She said I need to be more in-tense.

I asked my wife if she wanted to try some roleplay in the bedroom. She told me to try the role of someone who does more house chores.

I was fired from my job as a psychic due to unforeseen circumstances.

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field of straw-man arguments.

I told my wife there's nothing I enjoy more than being with her. She corrected me, 'You mean besides correcting me.'

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with and was feeling bonely.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, but mostly about me doing the dishes and cleaning the house.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos, and to get sheet-faced.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She answered, 'Yes, not having to see you.'

I told my wife I have a fear of speed bumps. She said I need to slow down.