Why did the mummy become an archaeologist? To uncover his own past.

Why did the coffin break up with the bed? It said they had no future together.

Why did the ghost go to the party? Because he heard it was a 'graveyard smash.'

I told my wife she should practice safe eating. She put on a helmet before having dinner.

Why do vampires seem sick all the time? They're all suffering from bat breath.

I asked my doctor for advice on waking up early. He said, 'Just die a little inside.'

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the spiral of despair that is its existence.

I tried to make a deal with the devil. He said, 'Sorry, I'm only interested in soul food.'

I asked the undertaker if he could help me bury my secrets. He said, 'I'm buried in my own, kid.'

I told my doctor my stomach hurt when I laughed. He said, 'Don't worry, it's just gallows humor.'

Why did the burglar rob the bakery? He heard they had a lot of dough.

Why did the chef get kicked out of the kitchen? He kept beating the eggs and whipping the cream.

Why did the vampire get hired as a bartender? He had a lot of experience with Bloody Marys.

I went to a beekeeper for relationship advice. He said the key is to bee yourself.

I asked the geologist if he was happy with his job. He said it rocks.

I told my wife she should 'calm down'... Now I'm singing 'Let It Go' dressed as a snowman.

What's the worst part about being a necrophiliac? The smell.

I asked the gym trainer how long it takes to see results. He said, 'You'll see them eventually.'

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up. It's not always a sleeping beauty situation.

I used to have a fear of hurdles. Then I got over it. It really raised the bar in my life.

Why did the robot go on a diet? It had a byte problem. And a weight issue.