Why did the scarecrow get a promotion at work? Because he was outstanding in his line of duty.

What did the cannibal say after eating a comedian? 'He really killed.'

Why did the skeleton go to school? To improve his bone-telligence.

Why was the murderer always calm? He had a killer attitude.

How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer and watch him melt.

Why did the coffin go to the store? It needed a new coffin nail.

Why was the cemetery so noisy? All the coffin.

Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type anymore.

What did the coffin say to the sick body? 'Cough drop in.'

Why did the murderer go to the grocery store? To pick up a few killer items.

What did the axe murderer say to the tree? 'I've got a splitting headache.'

Why did the ghost break up with the witch? She kept haunting him.

Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? Because he knew how to stick it to the crowd.

I asked the psychic for a refund. She said, 'I already saw you coming.'

Why did the avocado break up with the guacamole? It said it needed some 'space.'

I told my therapist I had a fear of rejection. He said, 'Don't worry, it's not like I'll ever reject you.'

I asked the serial killer for fashion advice. He said, 'Strangle is the new black.'

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She was too clingy.

I told my doctor I wanted to be taller. He said, 'Don't worry, you'll have a leg up on the competition.'

Why did the cannibal turn vegan? He heard plant-based humans were the new 'in' thing.

I asked the zombie if he wanted a girlfriend. He said, 'Nah, I prefer someone with a little more 'meat' on their bones.'