Why did the skeleton go to a BBQ? He heard they had spare ribs.

I took up archery as a hobby. It's a real pain in the neck.

I shouted 'Thief!' today and everybody cheered. It was kind of a strange reaction.

I asked the doctor if he could make me look younger. He recommended a time machine.

I used to be a necrophiliac, but I got bored to death.

I got a new job as a human cannonball. It's a blast!

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m getting over it slowly.

I asked the doctor how long I had left to live. He said, '10.' I asked, 'Years?' He said, '9.'

I asked my wife if I could be the boss in the bedroom. She said, 'Sure, when I'm not there.'

I asked my wife what she would do if I died. She said, 'Finally finish the Netflix series we started.'

I told my wife she should start wearing smaller clothes. She said, 'Honey, I already wear your shirts.'

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in the ocean. She asked if I wanted to be cremated first.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about having sex with a stranger. She said, 'No, I only think about you.'

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said, 'No, not when I can just watch reality TV.'

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said, 'Not while I can just watch Netflix.'

I told my wife she should wear more color. She said, 'Like the bruises you gave me?'

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She reminded me I always burn dinner.

I told my wife she should try cooking. She said, 'I did, but the fire department said no.'

I told my wife I wanted to be a clown for Halloween. She said I didn't need a costume.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She asked if it was for the fire insurance.

I told my wife I wanted to be buried in a suit. She asked if it was the one I wore when I buried her ex.