I tried to make a joke about the electric chair, but it was shocking.

I have a pet coffin. It's dead quiet.

Why did the vampire start an OnlyFans account? He wanted to show off his bite.

I asked the devil for a business loan. He suggested I sell my soul instead.

I invited my ex to a party so they could see what they were missing. Turns out, it was just me.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She choked.

I started a new diet where I only eat the souls of the innocent. It's low in calories but high in guilt.

I asked my doctor for some sleeping pills. He suggested I try browsing Twitter instead.

I tried to donate my body to science, but they said they were looking for volunteers, not victims.

I asked the coroner what his favorite part of the job was. He said he could always count on it being dead quiet.

Why did the murderer only eat live wires? He wanted a shocking diet.

I told my parents I wanted to be a grave digger. They said it was a dying industry.

Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He wanted a piece of the night shift.

I asked the devil for a good joke. He said, 'You.'

I used to be a phlebotomist, but I couldn't find the vein of success.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To turn up the boo's.

I told my girlfriend she should be more emotionally supportive. She vanished into thin air.

Why do cemetery gates always close so slowly? Because they maintain a grave demeanor.

I told my wife she should do more cardio. She took my breath away while I was sleeping.

I used to work at a morgue, but it was a dead-end job.

Why was the vampire always calm? Because nothing gets under his skin.