I used to be a fortune teller, but I couldn't predict my own future.

I'm friends with a rug, we have a few threads in common.

I'm friends with a door, we have a lot of open communication.

I tried to start a shoe repair business, but I just couldn't get a foothold.

I used to be a comedian, but I kept losing my punchlines.

I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.

I'm friends with a coffee maker, we brew up a good time.

I tried to join a knitting club, but I couldn't seem to weave my way in.

I used to be a historian, but it was all in the past.

I'm friends with a ceiling fan, we have a lot of overhead conversations.

I tried to buy a steak pun, but it was a rare medium well done.

I'm friends with a pillow, we always dream together.

I tried to knit a sweater for my computer, but it kept freezing.

I'm friends with a skateboard, we're always rolling together.

I tried to take up fishing, but I kept getting hooked.

I used to be a mechanic, but I just couldn't find the drive.

I'm friends with a mailbox, we always have good deliveries.

I used to be a tailor, but I lost my thread of thought.

I'm friends with a clock, we have a lot of tick-tock moments.

I'm on a diet, but it feels like a never-ending snack-rifice.

I tried to perform at an origami convention, but my act folded.