Why did the politician become a gardener? He wanted to 'weed out' corruption.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a comedian? A 'jest-imate' of the budget.

Why did the politician bring a calculator to the debate? To 'budget' his time efficiently.

Why don't politicians play chess? They're always trying to 'checkmate' each other.

What did the politician say at the restaurant? 'I'll have a balanced budget, hold the deficits.'

Why did the politician go to therapy? To work through his 'political issues'.

Why did the politician break up with his calculator? It kept dividing the country.

Why did the politician bring a box of Kleenex to the debate? To wipe away any 'crocodile tears'.

What's a politician's favorite dessert? 'Lies on a pie'.

What's a politician's favorite play? 'Much Ado About Nothing' in Congress.

Why did the politician only eat alphabet soup? He was trying to spell out 'bipartisan' one letter at a time.

How do politicians communicate with aliens? They use 'diplomatic' language.

Why was the politician a terrible chef? He couldn't handle the 'political heat' in the kitchen.

What's a politician's favorite weather? 'Reigning' in the votes.

Why did the politician bring a thesaurus to the debate? To 'synthesize' his arguments.

Why was the politician good at baseball? He knew how to 'pitch' his ideas.

What's a politician's favorite dessert? 'Laws and order'.

Why did the politician go back to school? He wanted to learn how to 'pass bills'.

What do you call a politician who's lost in the desert? 'A mirage of hope'.

Why did the politician go to acting school? He wanted to perfect his 'political performance'.

What do you get when you cross a politician with a cat? 'A purr-fectly calculating leader'.