How do politicians stay organized? They keep their lies in folders.

Why did the politician bring a stopwatch to the campaign rally? To see if he could out-run his promises.

What do you call a politician who's afraid of heights? A low-flying candidate.

Why did the politician go to the beach during the election? To ride the wave of public opinion.

How does a politician cool down? He passes a lot of hot air.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a vampire? Someone who promises they won't suck your blood.

Why do politicians make terrible comedians? Because they can never stick to their punchlines.

Why did the politician carry a notebook to the voting booth? To jot down more promises.

How do politicians fix a leaky faucet? They form a committee to discuss it.

Why did the politician break up with his calculator? It could only divide and subtract, not add any positives.

What did the politician say to the dessert? 'I'll have a balanced tart.'

How did the politician fix his car? He just kept changing the oil and hoping no one noticed the underlying issues.

Why did the politician go to the bank? To invest in his future campaign.

What do you call it when a politician is caught lying? A press conference.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a circus performer? A politician who can juggle the truth.

Why do politicians make terrible comedians? Because their promises are never funny.

Why was the politician a great gardener? He knew how to filibuster the weeds.

How did the politician fix the economy? By putting a tax on funny jokes.

Why did the politician go to the art gallery? To learn how to frame his policies.

What do you call a politician who plays golf? A tee-party member.

Why did the politician carry a suitcase? To pack up his lies and move on.