I tried to tell a joke about a train, but it went off track.

I used to be a gardener, but I couldn't plant jokes.

I'm friends with a pen, we're always jotting down ideas.

I'm friends with a tailor, we have a lot of seams in common.

I tried to write a joke about a clock, but it was too time-consuming.

I told a hair-raising joke, but no one found it funny.

I'm friends with a broken calculator, it just doesn't add up.

I told my friend a joke about construction, but it was too concrete for him.

I'm friends with a tree, it always knows how to branch out.

I told my friend a joke about fishing, but it was a real reel breaker.

I'm writing a book on how to write books. It's a novel concept.

I'm trying to learn to juggle, but I don't have enough balls in the air.

I'm friends with a broken pencil, it never gets the point.

I used to be a butcher, but I backed away from it.

I told my girlfriend she should embrace her mistakes. She made a mistake.

I decided to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist.

I'm friends with a pillow, we have sleepovers all the time.

I'm friends with all the vegetables, except the rude one.

I'm friends with a calendar, but our days are numbered.

I'm friends with a paper, it always leaves me.

I'm friends with all the planets except Pluto. It's just too far out.