Jokes about dating, marriage, and romantic relationships.
I told my wife she should be more considerate. So now she wakes me up to ask if I want breakfast in bed.
My husband and I never go to bed angry. We stay awake and plot our revenge.
I asked my wife to describe me in five words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite, and I'm perfect. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes.
Why did the two worms fall in love? They felt in tune with each other.
I asked my wife how she learned to fold fitted sheets so well. She said, 'practice makes perfect.'
Why did the man break up with his WiFi? It wasn't connecting anymore.
I asked my wife to try some voice recognition software. She said, 'Yes, it's very good!'
Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornfield? He was tired of the constant ear-y arguments.
Why was the math book sad about its relationship with the history book? It just couldn't count on it.
My girlfriend said she wanted to go on a romantic camping trip. So I packed my bags and left.
I asked my husband if he thought I was too needy. He said, 'Well, I do hear the cling wrap calling your name every night.'
Why did the lifeguard break up with the swimmer? It felt like they were just treading water in the relationship.
My wife told me she wanted a fairytale romance. So I locked her in a tower and called myself a dragon.
Why did the pencil break up with the pen? It felt like the ink was always running dry.
Why did the tree break up with the forest? It felt like things were getting a little too crowded.
My boyfriend said he wanted to be more spontaneous. So I texted him to break up on a whim.
Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornfield? It felt like it was all ears.
I told my wife I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. So she handed me a pepper spray.
Why did the protractor break up with the ruler? It just couldn't handle the angles.
Why did the bell break up with the whistle? It just couldn't handle the noise.
Why did the computer break up with the smartphone? It couldn't handle the dating apps.