I asked my husband if he thought I was sarcastic. He said, 'Oh, definitely.'

I told my girlfriend she should embrace her mistakes. She said she'd rather hug them.

Why did the book and the movie break up? They just couldn't find a happy ending.

Why did the baker break up with the flour? They just didn't mix well together.

Why did the math textbook break up with the history textbook? It just couldn't count on them.

My boyfriend says he wants to work on his flexibility. I hope that means he'll start bending over backwards for me.

Why did the calendar refuse to go on a date with the clock? It didn't have time for that kind of relationship.

My wife asked me if I believe in love at first sight. I told her yes, that's why I married her in the first place.

Why did the chef break up with the baker? There were too many layers to their relationship.

I asked my husband if he thought I was too controlling. He said he'd get back to me after he asked permission.

My girlfriend accused me of being too competitive. So I challenged her to a staring contest.

I asked my husband if he'd ever cheat on me. He said of course not, I'm too expensive.

Why did the artist break up with his paintbrush? It kept leaving streaks in their relationship.

My wife said she wanted to try role-playing in the bedroom. So I dressed up as a handyman and fixed the leaking faucet.

I asked my boyfriend to surprise me with something romantic. So he jumped out from behind the couch and yelled 'Boo!'

Why did the book lover break up with his girlfriend? She kept dog-earing their relationship.

Why did the magician break up with his assistant? She saw through all his tricks.

Why did the cell phone break up with its charger? It needed a little space.

Why did the math book and the history book break up? They were always dividing.

My boyfriend said he wanted to be more mysterious. So I hid his phone.

I told my husband I wanted a romantic weekend getaway. He booked us a staycation on the couch.