My wife says I never listen to her... or something like that.

Why did the marriage counselor recommend a book with pictures? They needed help illustrating their problems.

Why did the comedian break up with his girlfriend? She couldn't handle all the punchlines.

I used to play piano for my girlfriend by ear, but now she just wants me to use my hands.

Why did the tree break up with the sun? It couldn't handle the photosynthesis pressure.

Why did the phone break up with the charger? It couldn't handle the spark in their relationship.

My wife loves Sudoku. But she's always mad when I solve it for her.

Why did the relationship counselor bring a ladder to the session? To help them reach a higher level of understanding.

My girlfriend wanted a diamond ring, but I got her a mood ring instead. It saves me a lot of money, it turns black whenever she's around.

Why did the scarecrow propose to his girlfriend? He was outstanding in his field.

Why did the man bring his girlfriend to the gym? Because she wanted him to spot her.

Why did the philosopher break up with his girlfriend? He always saw both sides of the relationship.

My girlfriend told me she wanted a man with a sense of humor. So I started dating a clown.

Why did the time-traveler break up with his girlfriend? He realized she wasn't the one in any timeline.

I asked my boyfriend what he saw in me. He said 'You're like wifi, I can't live without you.'

Why did the musician break up with the drummer? The relationship was off beat.

Why did the gardener break up with the florist? Their relationship was wilting.

I told my girlfriend she should be more direct. So she dumped me on a straight road.

Why did the book break up with the library? It wanted to be checked out all the time.

My wife said she wanted a man who is more responsible. So I bought a pet rock.

Why did the athlete break up with the coach? They were never on the same track.